OH. MY. O.M.G.

Oh my, OMG. is a saying one of my friends always says and it cracks me up...but that is all i can think of when i think of what i am about to express to ya'll.

I am not sure if any of you are a fan or ALL MY CHILDREN.... But it is my FAVORITE! I know i am a little late explaining the heartache i have but i had other things to talk about and update you on. BUT WHY ABC..... why are you getting rid of my favorite show for many many many years. Pine valley is like my family! And to make it all worse The Man (which hates All My Children) is the one that broke the news to me. I am sure he is actually thankful. Although i have my own girl living room and he has his boy living room so it doesn't take up the DVR anymore like it used to, but he still hates it. I am sooooo upset about this. I wonder if it will still be on soap net... does it work like that...

On a positive note..... one day when i have a little girl i have picked a name that i love dearly from a soap opera... I can't tell you if its All my Children or One Life to Live... b/c i can't have you trying to narrow it down and steal my name... BUT the Sweet Man hated the fact the name was from a soap opera. So now maybe no one will know what is it from since they are doing away with both All My Children and One Life to Live and he will let us use that name for our daughter.... CROSS YOUR FINGERS!

another positive thing...i am loving Bravo... Real Housewives, Bethany Ever After, Pregnancy in heals.. loving it!

Happy Easter

"The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstance."

-Robert Fratt

*~* Happy Easter *~*

This year it seems different. Even though my Grandfather hasn't been able to go to church for the past few years, it is weird that on this Easter Sunday he is not with us. He is the main reason each person in my family celebrates Easter and knows the real meaning of Easter. What a wonderful Christian influence he was to everyone.

What a wonderful Easter celebration he will be involved in on this day.

I can't even imagine it!

Hope you all have a great day with family and friends.

Don't forget to share the real meaning of Easter with someone today!

Howell Hollis Lindsey

Howell Hollis Lindsey

January 21, 1913 - April 17, 2011

My Sweet Papaw's Obituary was in today's paper. Please take the time to look at it. What an amazing man he was! Such a child of God. Such a good leader of his family. My family wouldn't be who we are today if it wasn't for his strong faith and love for God. I think God for letting me spend 25 years knowing this Man. He has touched so many. Over the past couple weeks i have heard so many stories from Family friends about my papaw. So amazing! He is a Hero in so many people's eyes.

How many people can say their Grandfather was in WWII. (Although those were not the best memories for him) He rarely ever mentioned it. He actually only shared stories with two of our pastors. And some stories with my Brother.

We were very blessed by all the friends that showed up to the visitation tonight. Some drove from out of town and we were all so happy so see them.

I think all of my family is in a good place. Of course it was hard to let go, but we know he is soo happy to be with my Meme. What a reunion they had Sunday Morning. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers for us. Tomorrow will be difficult but what a Man to honor on this day! If the weather permits there will be some special Army something. (sorry really not sure what is it is called but i am looking forward to it)

Papaw is home

Saturday night Jason, Sarah and Hollis got intown! The first thing they did was go see Papaw in the hospital! Sunday Papaw was discharged from the Hospital and we brought him to his house still under Hospice care! All of our family was at his house when we got there! We got all new sheets and blankets for his hospital bed at his home! He is looking pretty stylish! His resp rate continues to increase but breathing is much more shallow! Someone is with him 24/7! How this sweet man is holding on I am still not sure! Each day he is getting weaker and weaker. We are pretty sure he can hear us and knows what we are saying just doesn't have the energy to respond. Mom and I spent the night with him last night! I think she sang to him for 2 hours! He loved it. One song we think he was trying to sing too bc his lips where just moving like crazy! I would give him a kiss on his head and he was trying so hard to say something. I told him I was about to give him a hug. I put my arms on each side of him and gently bent down to him to hug him! He picked up his arm and was trying to put it on my back! But didnt have the strength! Ahh so sweet. Memories I will have forever! Today is Aunt Margies birthday so maybe he is holding on until tomorrow! We thank everyone for the calls, visits, snacks, and meals. Again it means more than you know! Thank you for all your prayers. Please continue to pray the Lord will take him home peacefully. Jenni's iPhone

Thank you for the prayers...

Thank you everyone for the comments, FB messages, Texts, and phone calls. You really don't know how much your prayers and kind words mean to my family and me. Papaw is still about the same. RR rate has increased but each breath is very shallow. He is peaceful majority of the time. When he calls out or moans we make sure he has his pain meds. He can't really tell us what hurts but we don't want him to be in pain at all. My brother Jason and his family are heading this way. It is about a 16 hour drive for them, with a 2 year old, so really even longer. When Hospice took over they gave us 5 days in the hospital and then they will continue his care at his house. Tonight is our last night in the Hospital. He will go home tomorrow. He has is own little house built onto my Aunts. We will continue to stay with him and take shifts during the night. We really didn't think he would make it long enough to go home but, like i said, he is one tough guy and proving us wrong. I am just so thankful Jason, Sarah and Hollis are on their way. Maybe he is holding on to see that favorite grandson of his. Last night while my cousin and I were sitting with Papaw he started calling out for his Mother...actually "Moma" is how he said it. I understand it is the end of life for him but still was very sad/sweet/emotional. You just wonder what he is thinking about or seeing! Today he said "Hold me." I thought my mom was going to jump in the bed and wrap her arms around him. Seems like listening to songs and really paying attention to the lyrics are a little more sentimental these days. My dad came in the other morning humming Daddy's hands. He said that song has been on his mind. I started singing it and we all got pretty emotional. Also Hymns like Ye who are weary, Come home, will get you every time. One of my friends told me she thought of me and papaw while listening to this song. I decided to listen to it and Man....soo sweet. Believe by Brooks & Dunn. Thanks again everyone. I will keep you updated.

Update on Papaw

{Again for some reason this will only show as one big paragraph. Makes it seem so long. }

Papaw is still hanging in there. He has been in the hospital for a week tomorrow (Friday). We were pretty aggressive on his treatments (treating his pneumonia, UTI, all his normal home meds, IV fluids) until Tuesday. On Tuesday the Doctor talked with my Dad and Aunt about what all we wanted to do for his care as a 98 year old since his kidneys were shutting down and his infection wasn't responding to any treatment. We decided for Hospice to then take over his care. At that point we got him off all his meds, including home meds and stopped IV fluids. Just comfort measures. Keeping him on 5 L of oxygen NC and keeping his pain under control. Oral Morphine was schedule every 4 hours as needed. He then starting taking a turn for the worse. Yelling out like he was in pain. Then we would ask what was hurting and he couldn't tell us. We decided to go ahead and start giving him the pain meds. Not 2 hours later he would start shouting out and yelling again like he was in pain. We asked the Doctor if he could have it every 2 hours. So starting Wednesday we stayed on top of his pain meds trying to remember to ask for it every two hours if he was not resting well or acting like he was hurting. Wednesday they also put his Oxygen to 4L. We decided to stop having his Vitals signs taken. He would get so bothered by anyone touching him and also when he would have his blood pressure taken. Since a lot of nurses in the family we of course are keeping and eye on his resp. rate, it was average about 12 breaths a min most of the day. This is the day we also all talked about saying good-bye. We have heard and read that you should tell your loved one it is ok to let go. So they know it is ok. My Dad was saying he didn't know how to bring it up. While everyone went home to rest and i was working night shift i would come to see him on all my breaks. Around 3 am i came to see him and his eyes were open i started talking to him and i really think he understood what i was saying. I decided to take this moment to tell him good-bye and told it was ok to go to heaven to be with Meme. I just sat in his bed and watched as those sweet blue eyes stared at me. I just held his hand and cried. This was probably the first time i really really cried about the entire thing. I don't know if it was because i was tired working all night and sleeping a few hours in his room or what. Thursday morning a nurse let me get off early so i could be in the room when the Doctor came to see him. My mom was already in the room reading the bible to Papaw. She had tears just running down her face. She said she told Papaw good-bye and she loved him. Then he went back to sleep. His resp. rate was around 8 breaths/min this am. Dad got here and Mom had to leave to go to work. Basically everyone told Papaw today that is was ok to leave us and go be with all his family in heaven. His color is still good and you can see his heart beating good. We then noticed his RR 4 breaths/min. At one point he did let out a gasp, My Aunt, mom, sister and I just stared at him. It seemed like forever before he took his next breath. Papaw has a hymnal that he has his favorite songs writen down in. Aunt Margie, Dad, Mom, Ashley and I thought of our favorite hymn and had them playing for papaw on our computer. Kind of an emotional moment. Papaw has a pacemaker (this is device that helps control your heartbeat) so his Heart rate is still obviously good. We can't remember what it is set at but basically if your heartbeat drops under a certain number it will pick up, making your heart rate normal. So his color (another way to tell if his end of life is close) will most likely be good since his heart is beating and circulating blood throughout his body. The only thing we can go off of is his resp rate. Tonight it was down to 2-3 breaths/min. Having a pacemaker during end of life issues could prolong the process of dieing but we haven't even thought about turning it off. That would be a VERY HARD decision to make. Not one that i look forward to my family making at all. Tonight i am off work but still continuing my night shift duties and spending the night with him. I couldn't imagine him being here alone. Everyone just left for the night to get some rest. He is sound to sleep. Everyone now and then he will start to snore. If you look at him he seems like nothing is wrong. The respiratory therapist just came to check on us. His 02 sat is 99% on 4L of Oxygen and his Heart rate was 60. Man makes you wonder if it is his pacemaker doing the job or his heart. {My brother and his family aren't able to come in town yet. It is such a hard thing to plan and figure out. He did get to talk to him on the phone tonight and we tell Papaw all the time that Jason, Sarah and Hollis love him and said hello. Papaw thinks the world of Jason...his only Grandson and to have a great-grandson Hollis name after him. Gives me chills. Well night night going to try to rest and visit with Papaw!}
As a Nurse, I know how nice it is to get surprises! This is what my family gave our wonderful crew on 6 North..a huge cookie cake....Everyone has been great with Papaw.

26 years!!!

One of my best friends who happens to be my cousin celebrates her 26th Birthday today!

She lives in North Carolina so we only get to see each other a few times a year. This weekend we planned on getting together in Little Rock for her birthday today and celebrating all weekend. A few plans changed since my papaw so i am not able to go to Little Rock... I AM SOO SAD... but that is part of life i guess. I decided to make this post about her. My Beautiful redhead cousin. I can't explain how much she means to me. She only has a brother so i feel like me and my sister were like her sisters growing up.

I don't have any picture of us young on my computer but here are a few from the past couple of years!

This is us Freshman year of college in our Dorm Room!

Our Senior year of college

Trip to Austin, Summer 09

At My Bachelorette party

Another funny picture from my Bachelorette weekend!

Summer 2009: At my Wedding shower!

While getting ready for my wedding...before i got into my dress! We are alway silly when we get together... we were sharing cheesecake on a stick while visiting her and my brother in North Carolina

In New Orleans for Halloween! Alwasy ready for a good time!

Alwasy ready for a good photo oppurtunity

Everytime we are together we always have such a good time. Hopefully she will live closer so me soon. Much love! Hope to see you soon!

{Not sure why the pictures won't center on the page}

Update on Papaw: We are still in the hospital. He still looks the same. Resp rate is decreasing. Many hours spent visiting the hospital. Off until Monday so that is good. THe past few night while i had to work i would spend my breaks or as much time as i could with him during the night. Then during the day i would come sleep in his room. Our family would be here to so but if something happened i would be here and would be able to wake up rather than if i was at home sleeping! ...FYI..Hospital guest beds ARE. AWFUL.

My sweet Papaw

Please keep my family in your thoughts this week! My Dad and Aunt are having to make some really difficult decisions this week! My sweet, wonderful, 98 year old Papaw is in the hospital! Hospice took over his care today! We all know the answers to these tough questions but I know it is hard for my Aunt and Dad to only give comfort measure and not help certain infections and other medical things going on to their DAD!

Anyone that knows my grandfather probably has a smile on their face just thinking about him. He is one of the best men i know. He has also accomplished so much in his 98 years of living. I will wait and share all these things when the time is right!

Last night I worked so I went to see home throughout the night. Funny little story: They had to restart his IV and he sure was a mess. The nurses said he wouldn't let them touch him, that maybe I could help! I'm thinking oh no...I can't do that...this is my papaw. But I just held is hand and said to him Papaw, they have to restart your IV to make you all better! He looked up at me, I guess since I called him Papaw, and just said Okay (in the sweetest voice) without a fight. Now since hospice has taken over he doesn't need his IV for fluids, medications or anything.

My heart is so full of emotions right now. I know he will be in a much better place and with my sweet Meme. But I dread the day it happens! I hurt for my Father and Aunt. I hurt for my little cousins that have lost 3 family member in the past year...they say they understanding...but do they really. I hurt for My Aunt b/c she takes care of him EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY. I know that was hard on her but that is all she knew and now what will she do. I really have always been ok with death, but i haven't had a family member die in probably 20 years! I have pictures to share with you! I know it's a sad way to remember him but he is just so darn cute!

He likes the blankets all over his body he sometime even cover his head! He reminds me of ET! My mom came to visit him before she went to work and I was there since I just got off work so I wanted my picture taken with him!

Papaw and tooter-rooter.

(That is what he called me when I was little! )

Please keep my family in your prayers... I will keep you all updated!

Jenni's iPhone

Big baby

These past couple of weeks have been extra emotional for me. I mentioned it in a previous blog that i would have a very emotional week. Well it is because my little family has been a little sickly.

{pic from Christmas card photo shoot Dec 2009}

I guess while the man and I were about to get married he/we forgot to give Miller his monthly meds. Then we got out sweet little puppy Lottie and started him back on his meds. This past summer when i took them both to the vet they said Lottie was great...BUT MILLER HAD HEART WORMS. They said it couldn't have been the months we didn't give them to him or the fact that he was 118# and we were giving him the accurate dose.

I cried....yes just me and my dogs sitting in the room with the vet and huge tears are flowing.

(yes i know its a dog...but its my oldest child-dog...and we love him very very much) I thought to myself..how am i ever going to be a good mommy to children if i can't take care of my dogs! We went back around Sept and got his first little treatment. They said to bring him back in 3 months. Well that happened to fall around hunting season so they just said to bring him after.

I am not sure why we waiting until the end of March....i think The man and i tried to pretend like it would be fine he would get better. Then some people were saying it costs thousands of $. (not that it matters the costs we love this big boy) but gosh that is a lot of money. The man and i woke up early one morning to drop him off at the vet. I sat in the car because i could feel the tears coming.

I went and picked him up as soon as i woke up the next day. He was soo excited to see me... yes tears started then too. They said we had to keep him calm. (Those that have met Miller know nothing about him is CALM.) But since he wasn't feeling well he would just lay there most of the time. Lottie would try to play and he would look up and then lie his head back down. Didn't eat....didn't want a bone.. BROKE MY HEART. When the Man got home from work he didn't even run to the door to meet him. The man starting to talk to him and would just raise his head to look at him. OMG... BREAK. MY. HEART.

After the next couple of day he starting acting like was feeling better but still had to keep him "calm" in the house and not run around outside. Miller hasn't peed in the house since he was probably 2 months old. That poor thing was peeing everywhere and all over the place...

The carpets will be professionally cleaned shortly

He went for a check up Tuesday and they said he was acting and looked better than any dog after a treatment... YES good news. We will take him back in a month for his round 2 treatment that he has to stay for 2 nights :( I did put him on diet so his heart worm meds will work better for his size. He now weighs 90 #! woohoo. Please keep my Big Man...(that is what The Man calls him) in your thoughts. We don't want him to change at all. We want him to still be as playful as always and love Lottie and us and everyone else that is ever around him. And we need him here for many many more years! He is only 7! Which i know if older in dog years...but still!
Jenni's iPhone