babies on the brain...

one of my very dear friends is pregnant. She was keeping it to herself for a long time... I went like a month or so without seeing her and at first glance i looked at her and thought..hmm, am i missing something... we talked for alittle bit and then she casually said i am pregnant again. I said i knew it....she surprisingly asked how... i just told her i could tell...which then offended her! oops! She didn't tell anyone else for the longest time. But now the cat is out of the bag. I am sooo excited! What a huge secret i had to keep!

I am not sure if it is because Rach is pregnant, or that one of my work friends just came back from maternity leave, or that someone asks me when i am going to have children probably 1-2 times a day or that a girl from work is about to go on maternity leave, or the fact that what i do for a living is take care of the new moms and help them with their baby, but...i think about babies all the time. Yes i am ready for a baby but not READY READY. The Sweet Man is ready if it was for sure a boy but he says he just isn't sure what to do with a girl (this is probably what every guy thinks).

The Sweet Man and I are on the go constantly and we love it. We would have to slow down our life for sure. I think about all the risks and complications that could happen. But the part that is crazy to me is I dream about babies, having a baby, breastfeeding, being pregnant with this huge belly all the time. The other night i had a dream that i was pregnant and was still taking my birth control and it caused me to miscarry and i was so upset. When i woke up i couldn't get it out of my mind. I kept thinking should i take my first pregnancy test, just bc i was dreaming these crazy dreams. I told my friends at work and they asked if i took a pregnancy test and i of course said no. It did cross my mind but i decided not to obsess over it. Then my last night at work i went to pedi to go say hi to one of my favorite patients that get hospitalized about everyone month or every other month. We were all asking him our names. He was pretending like he didn't know our names, which we know he does. He then pointed at me and said "you have the baby in your belly." I think i was speechless. Like i said above one of the nurses did just have a baby and he might think that i was her but it still kind of freaked me out.

Just for you to know...i said i was ready but not ready ready. But if i were to be pregnant i would be ECSTATIC!!!! I pray for my little one everyday. I pray he or she will be healthy, i pray that we will be able to provide for our children (this is The Sweet Man's big fear, which i tell him that is probably every man's fear and if we wait until we are 100% financially ready then we will never have kids.) I pray that The Sweet Man will be just as ready as me. I feel this is a big one. I know most women get ready for children before the guy. This might be where we are right now. But then that means the girl/me needs to be patient b/c i think it is huge deal for the guy to be ready and want the baby just as much as you do. With me this is huge. As much as i want to be a stay at home mommy i love my job and i enjoy living on two incomes. I watched my mom "ask" my dad for money all my life and also when she was going to buy big purchases she would have to talk to him about it. I do think that is still important to talk to the sig other before big purchases, but with that being said if i want it really bad and i have the money then i don't think it is bad to get it. And I think The Sweet Man is the same way...good example the Jeep Wrangler he came home with a couple of months ago. haha. I also only work 3 nights a week and my sweet mother is going to take care of my kids during the day. But why it is important having the sweet man 100% on board is b/c he will be these with the baby for 3 nights all on his own. He won't be able to wake me up saying the baby is awake, baby needs a diaper change, baby needs to be fed, baby has a fever and needs meds....that will be all him. Which is a huge deal. I am not saying that every dad isn't like this but , Most let the mom do everything and the dad will be the one that plays with the kid and has fun. Mom's don't always get to have fun. Sorry i just going on and on... but this is what is on my mind obviously!